Setting the RSVP deadline, and what the card should say

Two questions come up with every RSVP card: what date to put on it, and what to ask. Both are answered by working backwards from a date you did not choose.

Work backwards from the final count

Your caterer or venue needs a final headcount on a fixed date before the wedding, and that date is in the contract. Two weeks before is common; some ask for ten days, some for three weeks. Find yours before you print anything.

From that date, work back. You need about a week to chase the guests who have not replied, because there will be some, and a personal message takes a few days to get an answer. So the RSVP deadline goes roughly a week before the final count is due: usually three to four weeks before the wedding.

Then invitations go out six to eight weeks before the wedding, so that guests have at least three weeks to reply. If many guests are travelling, or the wedding is abroad, send them ten to twelve weeks out and send a save-the-date earlier still.

Put the deadline on the card, clearly

Guests reply late when the deadline is easy to miss. Write the full date rather than "at your earliest convenience", and put it where the eye lands: near the top or in the line that asks for the reply. If you are collecting replies online, print the address or the code in the same place on the card, in type large enough to read without glasses.

What the card has to ask

Whether each named guest is attending. Name them, so that "and guest" only appears when you meant it and a family of five does not become seven. A line such as "We have reserved two seats in your honour" makes the count explicit without saying anything awkward.

Their meal choice, if the meal is plated and chosen in advance.

Dietary restrictions, as a short free-text line plus a few checkboxes for the common ones. One line is enough; nobody needs an essay, and the caterer needs a count per restriction, not a paragraph.

Which events, if the weekend has several and not everyone is invited to all of them.

You do not need their address again (you just used it), and a song request is optional and fun rather than essential.

Wording that gets a reply

Formal: "The favour of a reply is requested by the fourth of June. M______ will attend / regrets."

The "M" line is where the guest writes Mr, Mrs, Ms or Mx and their name. Many guests no longer know that, so a plainer version works better for most weddings.

Plain: "Please reply by June 4. Name(s): ______. Joyfully accepts / Regretfully declines. Dietary needs: ______."

Online: "Please RSVP by June 4 at vowsandvolts.com/e/your-names, where you can also choose your meal and tell us about any dietary needs."

The words matter less than three things: a date, the names, and one clear question with two answers.

Paper, online, or both

Online replies remove postage, the reply card that never comes back, and the transcription errors that put a vegetarian in the wrong column. Paper suits guests who prefer it, and there are always some. Offering both is normal now: print the card, print the link, and let people choose. What matters is that every reply lands in one list with one status per guest, which is the whole job of the RSVP tracker.

The chase

A week before the deadline, send a gentle reminder to everyone who has not replied. After the deadline, call. Do not send a third message; a phone call resolves in a minute what three texts do not. There is a longer piece on doing this without becoming a nuisance in chasing RSVPs without becoming a nag.

Once the count is in, the seating chart can start. Not before: seating guests who have not replied is how a seating chart gets made three times.

Frequently asked questions

How far before the wedding should the RSVP deadline be?

Three to four weeks. That leaves a week to chase late replies before the caterer's final headcount, which is usually due about two weeks out. Check your own contract, because that date is the one that actually fixes the deadline.

What if guests do not RSVP by the deadline?

Give it two or three days, then call them. Most late replies are forgetfulness, not rudeness, and a call gets an answer where a message gets a promise. Only treat a guest as not attending after a direct conversation, and tell them that is what you are doing.

How do I make clear that children are not invited?

Address the invitation to the adults by name and name them again on the reply card: "We have reserved two seats in your honour." Most guests take the hint. For the ones who ask, a warm, direct answer works better than a line on the card.

Should I ask about dietary restrictions on the RSVP card?

Yes, briefly: one free-text line plus checkboxes for the common ones (vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, nut allergy). The caterer needs a count per restriction, and asking at the RSVP stage is far easier than asking two hundred people again a month later.

Is a short reply window rude?

Not if the invitation goes out on time. Guests need about three weeks to reply comfortably. What is rude is a six-week window that ends the day before the caterer needs the count, because it leaves no room to chase anyone.